I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
