3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
