Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
