Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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