In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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