were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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