My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
