Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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