I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
