So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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