i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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