Cold hands, warm shart.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
