Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
