I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
