there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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