happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So squirting runs in the family.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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