If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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