Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
