he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
