I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
