My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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