When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
