my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
