im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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