Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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