Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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