I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
