i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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