It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
