you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
