i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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