if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
