i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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