I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
