He told me they were just razor bumps!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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