he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
