You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
