I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
