there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
