I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
