I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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