The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
