i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
