I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Let's paint friendship bongs
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
