pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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