We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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