Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
