new low.... made out with someone while peeing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
