Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
