maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
