Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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