i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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