Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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