My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize