Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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