Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
