He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
