I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
