Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
