Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
